The Journal

For the first time since Thanksgiving, or maybe even before that, I am going to bed with my house clean and my resposibilites under control. I have been treading water, wait, no, I have been drowning in my life since before Christmas and struggling to keep up with everything. I kept thinking that if I could just get through Christmas then I would be OK. But right after Christmas, Micah got pnemonia and of course shared it with Matthew. After two weeks of sick kids and breating treatments, we finally got our Christmas stuff put away and our house reorganized to include all of the new toys and things we got over the holiday.

There is still no time to relax, though. Dalin wanted to be in the talent show at school, so we've been practicing a little skit with some neighbor boys everyday. The twins birthday is just around the corner, and Valentines's Day follows that. It never ends! I was talking about all of this with my parents the other day and finally asked my mom how she always did everything and never seemed over burdened or stressed. She laughed and said, "Are you kidding? I was just like you!" Although, she worked full time also, so I'm sure it was worse. I have always placed her on a very high pedestal! She did it all! She worked and held church callings. She came to all of our sporting events and plays and skits for school. She helped with our homework and took us to see our cousins regularly. How did she do it, but I can't?

Well, she admitted to me than when we were all little, she struggled just like I am struggling. She told me that she kept a journal then and swore nobody would ever read it. She felt prompted to record what was happening althogh she didn't want others to know what she was feeling. I begged and begged to have the journal, but she kept to her original promise to herself and refused to give it up. Later that night I got a phone call. She told me she had read her journal and had decided that I could read it. I was so excited and picked it up the next day at my Dad's birthday party. When I got my kids in bed, I read page after page in her journal and cried. She was prompted to write this journal for me, I know it! She really was just like me!

She struggled to raise her toddlers and struggled with sick kids. She couldn't stand the fighting and wanted to do more to keep everyone happy. Her entries could be my entries. In fact, they are very similar to many of my posts on this blog. Suddenly I did not feel so alone and did not feel like such a failure. She is still on a very high pedestal, but I have hope that maybe someday, I'll look back on this time in my life and feel I did all I could do. Hopefully someday, my kids will say, "Mom, how did you do it?"

Thanks, Mom, for trusting me to read more about you! I love you!