Merry Christmas! Today is always a magical day, but even more magical now that I have my own children to spoil! Watching the animated story of the birth of Christ, together on Christmas Eve has become a tradition of ours and is the perfect start to the special day. Of course, the following morning is followed by squeals of delight as my boys experience, not only the joy of receiving, but the pleasure that comes from giving. I can't help but always spend the day in tears as I watch them!
This year, even more tears have been shed than most! This year, Christmas would not have happened in our home with the selfless hours of service given to me by two of the most precious people I have in my life, my mom and my husband! Two amazing people who have kept me going and given me hope that I can keep putting one foot in front of the other as long as I simply take my life "one day at a time". People who remind me to rely on my faith in a loving Heavenly Father, who knows me and knows of my struggles.
For over a year now, I have known that something was wrong with me! I have seen three different doctors looking for answers, and because I already have SO many health conditions, it was easy for these doctors to assume these conditions were to blame for my current feelings that something was just not right! It wasn't until August when I really was frightened. As I started my first week back to work full time, my right foot went completely numb, followed by patches of numbness in the left foot. Again, I called yet a different doctor, who assured me this was ok and was a side effect of other medical problems and should go away in time.
Well, by October, I was really a mess. Not only were my feet still numb, but I was so tired that I could no longer do everything I was responsible to do. I would sleep at traffic lights, while grading papers, and during a conversation with my husband. I continuously cried, yes, everyday! Of course these new symptoms could be explained easily from the stressful start to my new job. I just assumed that I was trying to adjust and as I did, things would improve.
My mom started coming in to grade papers for me. She'd spend HOURS in my classroom grading everything she could. She'd also bring me lunch and make me laugh, convincing me that not only did she love me, but that I could do this and she'd help! She has her own life full of stressful problems, that always ended up on the back burner, while she helped me.
My husband, who is already sick and struggling to do all that he is responsible for, took over my responsibilities at home. He has done countless loads of laundry, gotten groceries, cleaned bathrooms, and helped with homework, all to help ease my responsibilities. He has spent countless nights with me in tears, telling me he loved me and would help me in any way that he could.
I again went back to my doctor who did some blood work finding that my B-12 levels were lower than she'd ever seen before. She ordered monthly injections and told me I should start to feel better. I didn't think a lot of it, but started the shots, as directed, not really seeing any change in my activity level, mood, or feet.
So, by Thanksgiving, my feet were so useless that I fell out of a bus during a bus evacuation drill with my 2nd graders. My feet would get so cold in the mornings that I spent the day in horrible pain. The fatigue worsened to where I was sleeping as I drove to and from work. I was scared and Bryan had had enough with my doctors.
Bryan started doing some research and discovered there were only two real explanations to the numbness in my feet, diabetes or a low B-12 level. Hmm... We looked further to discover that an auto-immune disorder, pernicious anemia, could be causing the low B-12 levels and all of my symptoms, and my grandmother has this disease which is hereditary. We were happy as we raced back to the doctor to get her opinion. She agreed with us, relieved, and ran the blood work for a confirmed diagnosis.
We were sad to realize, a few days later, that the test was negative. At this point, the doctor gave up saying, it's not pernicious anemia, so just increase your B-12 shots to every two weeks and call me if you need anything. When I replied that I still did need something, my feet were still numb, she seemed frustrated, but suggested that maybe I should see a neurologist.
The neurologist was much more concerned than my regular doctor, especially when she ran more blood work and discovered that even though I was getting B-12 injections, they weren't really helping. Within a week, my levels were back in dangerous levels causing more damage to my feet. Low B-12 levels were causing severe neurological problems for me, including nerve damage, but she couldn't explain why and kept commenting that she'd never seen B-12 levels SO low before. She bumped up my shots to once a week and referred me to a gastro doctor, guessing that the problem must be related to my absorption of B-12 which happens in the stomach. While I wait for that appointment, she has ordered an MRI of my brain to be certain she hasn't missed something more dangerous.
So, one week before Christmas, I was still NO better and had many things that I needed to do as a teacher, wife, and mother. Again, my mom jumped in taking over all of my food assignments for family parties, wrapped and organized my students gifts, and made the jelly I gave to my neighbors. Bryan bought and wrapped most of the gifts for our families and our boys, and took days off work when my boys had strep throat!
I'm being completely honest when I say that they saved our Christmas!! Their service and love is something I cherish in my life! They are two of the most unconditional, Christ-like people that I know! So, as we celebrate the birth of Christ, on this Christmas morning, my heart is full of fear, but also extreme gratitude! There are many people who have helped along this past 6 difficult months, including the other teachers at my school, an understanding principal, and the loving women who serve with me in my Young Women calling at church! They do not go unnoticed! Many people have shown the true love of Christ to me! Again, as I type, I am brought to tears!!
As you start the year 2013, please remember my family in your prayers! And pass along the true spirit of Christ this season!
